


Gold

by HellHathNoFury



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, body image issues, soft wives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16783036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellHathNoFury/pseuds/HellHathNoFury
Summary: Everyone has days where they don't feel great about themselves, even Lady Kima of Vord. Luckily Allura is there to cheer her up.





	Gold

**** ‘... so, the cave is a dead end and a magic wall has shot up behind us, cutting us off from the rest of the group and that is when Kima-’ She reached over, intending to put her hand on Kima’s shoulder but finding only air. She looked over and realized that Kima simply wasn’t there any longer. Where had she gone?

‘Could you excuse me for a moment, please?’ Allura smiled politely as she extricated herself from the group of diplomats she’d been mingling with.

Once she stepped away, she looked around the, frankly, overfilling ballroom, hoping to find Kima somewhere among the guests. With her fifty pounds of gleaming silver armor, Kima usually stood out in crowds like these. Tonight, however, Kima had exchanged her armor for a very nice black doublet with golden embroidery, which was beautiful and looked amazing on her. It just also made her a bit harder to find.

Luckily, Allura knew Kima well enough to not have to resort to location spells and found her leaning against the far wall near the door. Allura knew that if she could have, Kima would have picked the opposite wall -- the strategically better position -- to keep an eye on the door as well as the rest of the people in the room but there were too many people in the room for her to see over them so this would have to do.

Kima didn’t seem to notice her approach, her arms tightly crossed, looking like someone had just told her she’d need to check her weapon at the door. Which, of course, she’d been asked to do once they entered the palace, but that was hours ago now, and it wasn’t like Kima to pout over it so long.

Allura wove her way through the crowd of foreign dignitaries, muttering excuses and apologies that she would talk with them soon. There was someone else who needed her attention more right now.

Kima didn’t acknowledge her as she pulled out a chair to sit on, staunchly keeping her arms crossed and her eyes trimmed on the crowd, sweeping over them as if looking for a threat.

She reached for Kima’s hand, running her thumb over her knuckles, hoping to get her to look at her.

‘I was looking for you,’ Allura said, loud enough for Kima to hear, but not for any of the people lingering nearby to listen in.

Kima looked her way, lips curving up in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. ‘I needed some air.’

Allura nodded, bringing Kima’s hand to her lips, kissing the back of it softly. She noticed as she let go that Kima had rolled her sleeves back down. When they left the tower that night, Kima’d had pushed her sleeves up above her elbows. Allura remembered because she had spent a good portion of the third-course staring at those strong, tanned forearms trying to figure out how to hold a fish knife.

Kima was looking away from her again, left hand fiddling with some loose thread on her jacket.

Allura frowned, Kima didn’t fiddle with things, she was restless and always moving, but she didn’t fiddle. Something was up.

‘Would you be alright if we left a little early? I am getting quite tired,’ Allura said, feigning a yawn. She wasn’t really tired, but something was going on with Kima, and a ballroom full of noisy guests wasn’t really the place to discuss whatever it was.

Kima’s head whipped around, brows lightly furrowed. ‘Is everything okay? Are you feeling alright?’

Allura smiled, nodding her head. ‘I am perfectly alright, love. Just a little tired. So, home, yes?’

Kima nodded in return. ‘Yeah, let’s go home. I’ll go get our stuff while you say goodbye to your guests?’

Allura looked over the crowd, saying goodbye could take hours. ‘Let’s just go. I’ll apologize in the morning.’

Kima smiled, a real smile this time, and reached for Allura’s hand to help her to her feet. ‘Home it is.’

Once standing, Allura leaned back down to press a kiss to the top of Kima’s head. ‘I love you.’

Kima blew out a puff of air through her nose that sounded somewhere between fond and exasperated. ‘I love you too, Allie.’

The short walk back to the tower was spent in relative silence. Allura was trying to come up with a reason for Kima’s strange, dour mood, but couldn’t really find an explanation.

Kima had never been very fond of these sort of parties but never before had she ever left Allura’s side to go stand in a corner all by herself. It was strange. As was Kima’s silence now. Usually, they spent their walk back discussing some of the more ridiculous fashion statements made at the ball and laughing. Not tonight.

Once the door of the tower fell closed behind them, and Allura was comfortable knowing they wouldn’t be overheard and Kima could speak freely, she broke the silence.

‘Are you alright, love? You’ve been very quiet all night.’

Kima turned around, giving her another one of those fake smiles. ‘Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired too, I guess.’

Allura stepped closer, putting her hands on Kima’s shoulders. ‘Are you sure? You don’t look fine.’

Kima muttered something under her breath.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?’ Allura asked, brushing a lock of Kima’s hair behind her ear.

‘I said I’m fine, let’s just go to bed.’ With that Kima turned away from her and stomped towards their bedroom, head down and shoulders tight.

Allura sighed and followed her. ‘You’re a very poor liar, my lady,’ she whispered under her breath.

In the room, Kima was busy undoing the buttons of her doublet, huffing in frustration when they wouldn’t give.

Allura snapped her fingers to light the candles and oil lamps around the room. ‘Did something happen tonight? I noticed you rolled your sleeves back down, are your scars hurting again?’

‘Allie, I’m fine. Please, just let it rest,’ Kima snapped. Then, a little calmer. ‘I’m really tired, can we just go to sleep?’ She turned around, tossing her jacket on the floor on her way to the bed.

Allura crossed her arms. If Kima was being stubborn, she could be too. ‘I don’t believe you.’

Kims spun around. ‘You don’t believe I am tired?’ There was an edge to her voice, a tiny waiver at the end.

‘No, that I am willing to believe.’ Allura sighed. ‘I just don’t believe you are fine. Please tell me what happened.’ Then, for her trump card. ‘I am your wife, you are supposed to tell me.’

Kima threw her hands up in the air and huffed an unhappy laugh. ‘That’s the whole problem, isn’t it? You, being married to me. Every person you introduced me to tonight was shocked that I was your wife and not your bodyguard. I mean, I get the confusion when I am in full armor. But I wasn’t in armor tonight! I was dressed just like everyone else, and still, they couldn’t fathom that you would choose to be married to me! We make an odd couple, Allura. You’re you! You’re beautiful. And I’m just, well, I am just me.’ Kima sounded so sure about that, that Allura’s heart broke a little for her.

‘Is that why you didn’t wear your armor tonight?’

Kima sighed, pacing the floor to pick up her discarded doublet, holding it up. ‘I thought that if I dressed nicely that maybe they wouldn’t give me those surprised looks when you told them we were married. I realize now that it isn’t the armor. It’s this.’ She pointed to the scar on her face. ‘It’s these.’ She ran her hand over the scars on her forearm. ‘No matter what I wear, my scars will always be there, and people will always be surprised when you tell them I’m you’re wife. Because you’re beautiful and I am not.’ She tossed the doublet to the side again, turning away.

Allura kneeled behind her, wrapping her arms around Kima’s waist and kissing her shoulder. ‘You’re beautiful.’

Kima freed herself from the embrace and took a couple steps forward. ‘I’m not. I know I’m not. Maybe without that scars, I could be, that’s what…’ She paused.

‘That’s what, what?’ Allura asked, shuffling closer, putting her hand on Kima’s shoulder.

Kima shook her head, turning around a little. ‘Someone once said to me that I could be beautiful, if not for all the scars.’

Allura bit her lip, pulling Kima against her. ‘Who said that?’

Kima leaned her cheek against Allura’s shoulder. ‘It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.’

‘Did someone say anything tonight?’ Allura asked, tipping Kima’s chin up so she could look her in the eye.

Kima shook her head again. ‘No, but I know they think it.’

‘It doesn’t matter what they think, they are unimportant. The only thoughts on your appearance that matter are your own.’

‘And yours,’ Kima said softly.

‘Not at all, but I personally think you are gorgeous.’

‘Except for the scars,’ Kima said somberly, looking away again.

Allura frowned. ‘What makes you say that?’

Kima shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip. Allura could see the beginnings of tears start to gather in her eyes. ‘I don’t like the way people look at me here, but I get it. You’re you. You wear ball gowns into work, and into battle. You collect pretty things. And I am not pretty.’

She looked so defeated, so convinced of her words that Allura could feel tears start to burn in her own eyes.

‘Kima, look at me, please?’

Kima half complied with her request, turning her eyes up, but her head still hung low.

‘I think you’re gorgeous. I think you are absolutely stunning! I spent all night watching you. In fact, I spent several courses watching your arms specifically because of how much I love it when you wrap them around me, so I can trace your scars and veins with my fingers and know that it is  _ you  _ that is holding me.’ She laughed. ‘You are the prettiest thing in this tower, my love. Everything else is just trinkets.’

A single tear ran over Kima’s blushing cheeks.

Allura wiped it away with her thumb. She wasn’t done yet.

‘I’m sorry I never noticed how these parties make you feel. How these people treat you. You don’t ever deserve to be made to feel insecure about your scars. They show on the outside what I so love about you on the inside. They show how brave you are, how strong, how ferocious, how dedicated to protecting other. You wouldn’t be you without these scars. The decisions you’ve made in your life show on your skin, and I think that is beautiful and something you should be proud of. You look at your scars and see flaws, I look at them and see strength. You got hurt so much and are still standing here and are still going out there to fight another fight. You’re incredible, Kima.’

Kima wiped at her eyes. ‘Yeah, well, you’re my wife. You have to say that.’

Allura chuckled, pulling Kima into her arms and hugging her tightly. ‘I meant every word. You’re amazing. I love you so much. And anyone’s whose look so much as suggests you don’t belong right here with me is getting Banished, mark my words.’

Kima laughed, rubbing her cheek against Allura’s shoulder, dropping soft kisses against the fabric. ‘Thank you, you are the best wife.’

Allura turned her head to capture Kima’s lips in a kiss. ‘I think you’re a pretty great wife too.’

Kima laughed, kissing her again. ‘Now can we sleep? I really am tired.’

Allura looked her over. Kima looked a little better than she had ten minutes ago. Her posture was less stiff and her smiles more genuine, but she could still see the sadness in those beautiful golden eyes. Whatever had been said, or not said, had left a mark on Kima. She knew Kima didn’t care much about her appearance, she had never cared about her scars before tonight, but something Kima did care about and had confessed to her on multiple occasions was that she worried that she wasn’t good enough for Allura. 

Allura had never understood how Kima could doubt her own worth like that. There was no one braver, stronger, sweeter, kinder or more beautiful than Kima. And usually, Kima believed she had all those qualities, apart from beautiful. Well, Allura believed that Kima deserved to feel beautiful too.

Her eye fell on Kima discarded doublet, fine golden thread running across black velvet, and an idea struck her.

‘Could you hold off on sleep a little longer? I have an idea.’ She reached behind her and started to undo the laces at the back of her neck.

Kima frowned. ‘What is it?’

Allura looked back up at her as her dress fell away from her shoulders. ‘Do you trust me?’

‘Yes? What’s the idea?’

‘It’s a surprise. I just need you to take your clothes off and lay on the bed.’

Kima raised an eyebrow but obediently did what Allura asked. ‘If the surprise is sex, it is not really a surprise. You  _ are _ taking your clothes off.’

Allura laughed. ‘It’s not sex, but if you’re not too tired, we can always we do that after.’

‘Allie…’

‘You’ll like it, I promise. Now close your eyes.’

Kima stared at her for a long second but then closed her eyes. ‘Fine. Okay, I trust you.’

Allura pressed a soft kiss to Kima’s lips and then continued undressing her, leading her to the bed once she was all done.

‘Allie…’ Kima tried again, awkwardly hopping onto the bed, cracking open an eye to look at her.

‘Lay on your stomach and keep your eyes closed.’

For a moment, Kima’s mind seemed in a heated debate with itself but then she closed her eyes again and laid down in the middle of the bed as Allura had asked.

‘You’re sure this isn’t sex?’

‘Positive. I would have told you if it was,’ Allura called out from the other side of the room, looking through the cupboards by her desk for the necessary supplies. Once she had everything she needed, she sat down on the bed, kneeling next to Kima.

‘Are you okay with me touching me through this?’

‘I don’t know what  _ this  _ is, but I am always okay with you touching me, Allie,’ Kima hummed, cheek resting on her folded arms, eyes still dutifully closed.

‘Alright, that will make this a little easier.’ Allura straddled Kima’s hips, careful not to put too much weight on her. She knew Kima could probably take it just fine, but she didn't want to accidentally hurt her.

‘Are you going to give me a massage?’ Kima asked, her tone a little excited. It was routine for them to massage each other when either of them was stressed, and Allura had thought about it. She loved getting to put her hands all over Kima’s muscled back and shoulders, but that was not what she had in mind now.

‘Not exactly,’ Allura replied, dipping the brush in the paint she had set out, starting to trace the scars running across Kima’s back.

Kima shivered. ‘Fuck, that’s cold!’

‘I’m sorry. I should have warned you. It should warm up soon enough.’ She leaned in closer, blowing softly on the wet paint to get it to dry.

‘What are you even doing?’ Kima asked, attempting to turn around but Allura was faster, covering Kima’s eyes with her hand.

‘No peeking. As I said, it is a surprise. If you look again, I will blindfold you. Now relax and let me do this, please.’

Kima sighed and muttered something in halfling under her breath. Allura understood enough of the language to know it meant something along the lines of “impossible woman, you’re lucky I love you”.

_ ‘Very lucky. I love you too,’  _ Allura replied in the same language, kissing the top of Kima’s spine, careful not to smudge any of the wet paint on her back. There was a lot of it, Kima had a lot of scars. 

She traced another one with the brush, jumping over the gaps of smooth skin to cover all separate teeth marks with paint. She knew the story behind most of Kima’s scars. She’d been there for a fair few of them. Stitching them up when everyone was out of healing magic after particularly trying battles. Tracing them with her fingers when it was just the two of them in a dark room or under the night sky. She couldn’t remember quite what kind of creature had gotten its teeth in Kima like this, but she was sure Kima had told her. Almost getting her head bitten off made good stories in Kima’s eyes. And as long as it remained an “almost”, Allura was happy to listen.

She traced every single scar on the back of Kima’s body that way: reflecting on how old it was, if she’d been there for it, if Kima had told her about. During it, Kima laid so still, Allura half expected her to have fallen asleep.

She was proven wrong when she asked Kima to turn over for her and Kima complied immediately.

‘Can I look yet?’ she asked in a soft voice, either completely relaxed by the constant caress of the paintbrush against her skin, or on the verge of sleep.

‘Not yet, love. A little longer.’ Allura kissed Kima’s lips softly. It seemed to satisfy Kima enough to remain immobile and blind for a little longer.

As she had done before, Allura covered all the scars on Kima’s front in the same paint, saving the large scar on the right side of Kima’s face for last.

She looked Kima up and down a couple of times to make sure she hadn’t missed any scars, then, satisfied with the result.

‘Can I open my eyes  _ now _ ?’ Kima asked once again, trying to pry Allura’s hands away from her eyes.

‘Patience, love. One more moment.’ She helped Kima off the bed and walked her over to the full-length mirror on the other side of the room, only then pulling her hands away. ‘Okay, you can look.’

Kima opened her eyes, blinking a couple of times against the light, and then froze, just staring at her reflection.

Allura could see tears start to form in Kima’s eyes and feared she’d made a big mistake. She was about to apologize and undo her work with a snap of her finger when Kima’s eyes met hers through the mirror.

‘I- I thought you were covering them up. Not- not this…’ Kima stammered, staring at her reflection in the mirror, at all her scars, now highlighted with gold paint, standing out even brighter against her dark skin than before. The flickering light of the candles bounced off the gold paint, making Kima literally shine golden.

‘I didn’t want to cover them up. I wanted you to see them as I see them. Beautiful.’ She kissed the top of Kima’s head, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, careful not to smudge the paint. ‘I once met a diplomat from the east. They have a practice there; when something breaks, they mend it with gold. They say things should be made more beautiful for being broken. Your skin has been broken, Kima. But it repaired itself. You repaired it. That doesn’t make you any less beautiful. This is how I see you, a shining beacon of light, more beautiful for all you have endured. More beautiful for all the work you put into repairing yourself.’

Kima had started to cry in earnest now, the paint on her face running a little.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around Allura’s waist. ‘I love you so much.’

Allura returned to hug, kissing the top of Kima’s head. ‘I love you so much too. I don’t think I can love anyone more than I love you.’

Kima sniffed, wiping her eyes, staring at the gold paint staining her fingers. ‘Do you still have some of this stuff left?’

Allura nodded. ‘Yes, why?’

Kima dragged her finger across Allura’s stomach, leaving the golden residue behind on the edges of a scar. ‘Because I am not the only one with scars.’  
  



End file.
